Jumping Into a New World

Nostalgia

I am here. I am back. Things have changed, place seems bigger. Everything contemporary and open. Everything large and Proud! I would have loved this place more. I would have stayed here longer. The air smells cleaner too! I decided this isn’t so bad after all, that I can definitely tell people its a nice place. The lights are bright enough for any time of day, the lighting excellently amplifies the experience. I feel somber, a taste of nostalgia. 4 years. 4 long years in this place. I would have done anything to rid myself of this place during those 4 years, anything to quicken the pace and to finish these sights and memories. Now that I’m sitting here again I miss it. Its quiet here, all the movement outside and the activity is silent and slow. There is less of a frantic feeling to this place now. I am at rest, at peace with the surroundings. Now that I’m sitting here again i miss this place. I miss the feeling of accomplishments, of rewards and punishments, of failing and succeeding. Life still throws those at me but no longer so much at once. Now its goals. Before it was grades and deadlines. Now its schedules and payments. Before it seemed dream like and passing by like a movie. Now its the real deal and the director is letting me improvise the dialogue. I am happy now, but i miss this place. UIC never felt so warm to me before.

midnight motivations rant

We go on and on, we keep showing motivation and emotion toward something, but do we actually care? Its engraved in our minds to succeed to become this person we are meant to become, to show the world what we are made of. A lot of people believe in free will. I believe in fate. Everything is always written, everything will always be, we are simply living out one of many scenarios meant for us! Once we accept that, then we are able to progress forward into what we are truly meant for! Why deny our existence, why deny what we are made of. Why not make the best of what we are meant for and move on! Its so simple. Yes there are speed bumps, no one builds an empire in a day, they find complications along the way! Its not as simple as saying yes this will happen, one needs to pursue something with their utmost fullest to succeed. That’s why I don’t settle for anything less! I feel and I act on it, to the fullest and to the utmost importance! I believe in fate, and so anything that is happening will happen anyways! So why not give your utmost and fullest! Its written in your future, its bound to happen, thus one must aspire to achieve it that much more intensely! We adjust, we build, we fail, we succeed, but in the end, we learn. That’s how we fulfill our destinies, by learning and DOING! Even if most wont agree, i think we can all safely say that if someone puts their utmost fullest and earnest into something, then they will either reach their goal or learn something about themselves they didn’t know before! It just makes sense.

Serenity

Humanity on one side, nature on the other. He sat centered between the two pondering his situation. Man made and processed lined the view to the west, nature bound and natural to the east. At the very center he sat, both natural and man made. Sprung up through nature, influenced by society. Created from a miracle, developed through technology. Inspired by beauty, taught by understandings. A byproduct of both worlds, the best of both reflected in him. He is a representation, a viewpoint of either sides, he exists at both sides conveniences but at the same time he is a necessary occurance required by both nature and man. It is because of him that these comparisons are being considered, it is because of this being that these thoughts are being made. Both sides need him and yet they dont, but does he need one side more than the other? Nature brings ideas of freedom and serenity, humanity brings ideas of wisdom and wealth. He is torn between the two and yet he is content with being in the center. He knows and feels right in this place, he wants to stay like this forever.

He glances over to his right, another being like himself is experiencing the same instances he is. He studies her. She too understands, she too sees the bounds. Serenity rushes over him once more, she allows him to be at peace. She has nature and beauty to her, she has wisdom and promise reflected in her. She is a byproduct of both worlds, and yet she is more. She stands outside of the center, on a separate level of the in between, she invites him to venture into the view from above, but he doesn’t understand it yet, he is fixated on the in between, he is stuck in the middle. He wants to tell her to help him understand, instead he smiles. She returns the smile and he understands, the warmth in her expression guides him through her reasoning. They venture outside the center and explore both worlds from afar. Their beings are connected through this, through this they understand each other. He knows and feels right in this place, he wants to stay like this forever.

Noise in the distance distracts him, his attention taken away from his experience. Humanity encroaches on his serenity, reality starts to set in. Nature, man made, understandings, knowledge, wisdom, promise, it all starts to fade away. His focus brought once more to his life and what he is doing. A fleeting moment of happiness as he recalls his experience, and yet everything is burned into his memory. His memory will serve for now, his experience can be relived at any point. He doesnt grieve over the short occurance, he feels blessed for being able to experience it. It allowed him to understand, it gave him new hope. He felt right in that place and he’ll look for it forever. 

Battlefield

Shirt crispy clean, tucked in. No wrinkles, looks down. Shoes spotless and gleaming in the poor lighting. Collar clean and in place. Walk through though door. Commander inspects him. Scans through his whole outfit. Gives a nod of approval and begins:

“Soldier, we are going to be hit hard today. Intel reports a heavy influx of orders coming in. You must be on your A game and fulfill each request. I need soldiers not sissies, if you’re not up for this now walk away. Am I clear?”

Unfazed by the taunt, and ready to go: “Yessir!!”

The computer bleeps, an order has been sent through, commander: “Well what are you waiting for soldier! Your first order came through! GO GO GO!”

He salutes the captain and rushes towards the parcel. As he picks it up he scans the number of the place he is delivering it to: 104. That’s easy enough, just right outside! He starts walking out towards the door avoiding any new traffic of soldiers walking to their designated pickup. He walks out and sees it. A swarm of clients with orders and only a handful of soldiers to fulfill the request. He panics for a half a second, gathers his composure and continues on. Soldiers not sissies. Sets the parcel down and gives the items to according client. Clients smile and thank him, he returns to command center.

 No orders await him yet so he sets out towards his location for the day. Clients are waiting for him, he dodges a soldier with a heavy parcel and makes his way towards his clients. He gets their requests and leaves them to begin his operation. He delivers his parcel to his clients and sets out for other parcels. Someone drops a parcel and the items ricochet off the ground, he finds cover and then comes back to contain the hazardous material. Gives a nod and encouraging words: “It’s alright soldier, your good to go now, get your head back in the fight!”

The day goes on much the same and he is vigilant through and through. His commander praises him for his good efforts and a battle won:

“Good work soldier, the parcels arrived in time, the clients were satisfied, the battle is won with no casualties! Go home and get some rest, you start early tomorrow morning, we need you at setup and detail! DISMISSED!”

His clients gratuity toward his skill showed in his wallet. He banked today. Not bad for a Thursday night at his restaurant.

clown

sadness encumbered him. sadness engulfed him. he became a spawn of sadness. a tear fell down his face when he looked at others. he couldn’t help it. he was lost in a world of hate, spite, physical gain, and self-gain. no one helps nobody. no one helps progress, no one loves others, no one wants help. the world is lost. He gives off another sigh and a desperate frown. they dont understand him, he is just a inspiration to laugh at. people pass by and point, they whisper and giggle, they scorn his existance. He juggles on. riding his unicycle he wishes for peace and happiness. others pass him and whatever. he is sad, he is unnoticed. he is weighed down by the sadness of the world and is unable to stand straight on his own two feet. he juggles on. they pay no mind to him now although he is trying to do this for THEM. no one cares, he sheds another tear. He is ALONE. alone in a world that is full and complicated. he just wants reassurance, he just wants to be happy. but he is sad. a glare by someone makes him uncomfortable. a stare makes him wince. why is everyone so.. bleh. Smile a little, he tries, he fails. He is a sad clown after all.

Lights

Darkness. Eye lids open wide, darkness, eye lids squint, darkness, eye lids closed, darkness. Looking up I notice that there is a faint glimmer of a light in the distance. It quickly fades, maybe it was just my imagination.

My eyes open again, must have slipped off into sleep. I can’t tell what time it is or what day, even what month. I think the year is 2005, or maybe 2007? Its so hard to tell, I can’t even move my body. Woke up in this darkness in straps, boy was that shocking. Must have yelled for hours and hours but nobody came. Nothing but the sound of my own voice. And how come there weren’t any echos? Ill never understand that. Its a wonder that I’ve been alive all this time though, I haven’t eaten in weeks at least, not a single soul to come feed me anyway. I wonder what my family thinks.

Eyes open again, slept again I guess. But for how long. Its so hard to keep track of if I’m sleeping or awake now. I wonder if I’m in a small container of some sort, I can’t move around to feel anything so it must be a tight space. Unless they have me in a warehouse. No echos, must be a tight space. And who are they? Maybe I did this myself. But why?? And when was I not in this box?

Eyes open, what was I thinking about before I fell asleep? No matter. I’m still stuck in this damn… place. thunk eyes wide open. A noise! I haven’t heard a noise or anything other than my voice in ages! Let’s here it again! Where is it? What was it? silence eyes close and I take a deep breath. Yelling: I mean come on, I don’t hear or see anything for the longest fucking time and all I get is one noise?! One who knows what fucking clank or something?!?! What the FUCKKK!!

Eyes open again, I drain myself yelling, I drift away too easily. I’m going insane in here. Somethings gotta budge, I gotta be able to move my arms or wiggle my toes. Nothing. No movement no wiggle no nothing. These people were good, was it people? I wonder if I did this to myself. Maybe I’m just dreaming, this could be one of those lucid dream nightmares where I’m stuck in a realistic dream and an eternity passes but only a couple hours pass in real life! Real life.

Eyes open, or have they? Have my eyes been open at all? Have I been sleeping or just trailing off in thought? What was I even talking about, it almost seems like I’m forgetting? Then I see it. Another faint spark. This time personified! I’m not imagining it! I see it! Again it fades. So odd, is someone trying to communicate with me? It looks like a spark of some sort in the distance. That second time a lot brighter and closer than the first.

Eyes open, sleep again huh or whatever I’m doing. I’m not sure I even stay awake for longer than an hour anymore, almost like I’m fading. No dreams whatsoever. Nothingness. I’m starting to forget myself, I’m not so certain I even exist. What’s the deal, what is going on… a flash again, only now its really bright, getting brighter, and brighter! I’m not blinded, I look around and see nothing, I can’t locate my body, I can’t locate anything other than light. Its filling me, filling my being. I become the light and together I am happy, light is helping me. Light is overwhelming me… I gasp.

Eyes open wide! Light rushes in. Pictures, memories, light all swarm me at once! Warmth, breath, sight, sound, touch, awareness, thoughts, all collide as my eyes jetison open for the first time! Humming, loud humming. A flash grenade just went off?? I take a deep breath and stare forward at my legs wrapped in a blanket. Everything returning at once someone starts talking to me. “Sir.. ght?” The humming is fading and I make out the person in front of me holding shock paddles, he repeats “Sir are you alright?”. Where am I, I ask. “Sir you were dead for over two hours!” What? Is he mad? Dead? “Your going to be ok now, everything is ok!” I was dead. I look around and take everything in, colors, sounds, smells, existance, life. I close my eyes and rest, before I drift off I wiggle my toes, I feel my body around me, I smile. I was dead… I can’t believe it… its good to be alive.

Cycle

In a distant land with a different time, in a setting so serene and peaceful. When a time of happiness was the norm, when war is nothing but a myth. When democracy has failed only to be replaced by utopia. A kid is born. Not much different from other kids. He stands out by his thick black long hair as he grows, he fits in with everyone around him, he enjoys his life. Whats his significance? Well you see this kid goes on to become a leader. A leader in a Utopian society you ask? If its a Utopia then why the leaders? This kid is special, he has the gift to analyze and provide good feedback, he has the ability to gain praise, he has the ability to lust for power. Others saw this a perk, a plus they believed! Lets make him a leader! Others forgot, its too far back in history, its too irrelevant to the times. Others didn’t know. They created someone who will thirst for power, the created a Leader. For what? The times were good and the people were happy. The Leader assumes control, he takes command of the people, he promises wealth and continued prosperity. He lies. He creates fear, he creates chaos, he creates sadness. The Utopia falls. People recover but are miserable. They work long hours and get paid nothing, they have families and cant fully support them, they now have to save to get by. No longer is there unity either, people become concerned with themselves and they lie and cheat to get ahead. Businesses are created. Soon after people rebel against the tyrant which they once chose as their leader. And for what? Democracy is instated. Leaders are once again chosen, ones that could lead them back to peace. That was the hope anyway. Peace has become just a word, no longer is there a vision of utopia, democracy ends up creating factions, the society splits, people change. One faction focuses military power, another knowledge, and another focuses on well being of society. Military society envies others resources and begins conquering. Other societies step up and create their own military power. World War I. All societies agree on terms and put it behind them. Lust for power takes over the societies again. World War II. Societies agree on terms again and everything is back to semi peaceful. Societies cant disagree, laws are bent, ideas are skewed. People live in panic, people live in fear, life is miserable. World War III. Everything is destroyed. Few survivors. They remember. They will never forget. They rebuild. They teach. Utopia.